So I know the last time I blogged here, I proudly proclaimed I had no fear. Well. That was specific to the new publishing wilderness.
I have tons of fear. I’m full of the stuff.
A nasty farmer inside me plants festering seeds that grow with my insecurities to fertilize. What if this story sucks? What if I get rejected? If it is good, what if it’s the peak of my career and I’ll never match it? What if my writing offends someone I respect? What if I hold back from writing what I want to because I’m afraid of offending someone? What if they all find out I’m a fraud?
The fears go beyond the writing career. I’m a podcaster, and I am dreadfully embarrassed recording or filming by myself in public. This is ridiculous, of course, as logic says, “Who cares?” But fear is not logical. If it were, we’d get no rush from reading scary books.
Some days I’m confident in my fears, at least sure that other writers feel the same. Other days I’m sure I’m the only one. But I can tell you one thing; the whole “fake it till you make it” thing is completely true. People tell me I seem confident, and my thought is, “Ah HAH! Fooled you, didn’t I?” The deal is, I understand fully that confidence is a key ingredient in persistence, the moxy you need to get along when trying to make a writing career.
One thing I’m glad about is I’ve gotten over the fear of submission. I still feel trepidation and anticipation, and disappointment when the rejection comes, but the fear hurdle is tiny at best. Logic wins out in this case- you can’t build a writing career without submission, so that desire beats fear.
Recently I decided I just needed a day without fear. That I would wake up and, if I had a thought that had any note of fear or hesitation in it, I would say fuck that and go ahead with it. (I’m not saying I’m gonna jump into traffic; I still plan to be a reasonable, self-preservation-focused woman here.) Record in public? Other people think it’s weird because they wouldn’t have the moxy to do it themselves. Ask my idol to write an introduction? The worst they can say is, “No.” Start that project that I don’t have the time/funds/brainspace for? Well, even if I fail, I will likely learn something and be better off than I am now just wondering.
Seriously, all the Successories flying eagle tripe aside, it is true that fear does you more harm than most everything you’re afraid of. Sure, the reaction is set into our lizard brain to keep us from calm, created there from a time where our main threats were ANIMAL-GONNA-EATZ-ME or RIVER-GONNA-DROWNZ-ME. Neanderthals were not faced with performing a talk in front of 200 others. Well. Most of them, probably. I mean, we haven’t found evidence of a cro-magnan Toastmasters club, have we?
So I’m calling this Thursday, December 10, a day without fear. This day I will not hesitate, I will write what I want, record what I want, and see how my life can be different if I can manage to ignore fear for just one day.
Wish me luck. Join me if you like.
PS: The funny thing is, I nearly deleted this blog post, for fear of writing about such a silly topic.
Whether it’s fear or perspective, sounds like you are in total command, Mur. Somehow I think you have your fear on a leash and you give it just enough head to stay humble and motivate yourself. Nothing irrational about that. We should all do as well, and consider that not being afraid probably means we are not going to dare the next step up the ladder. Game over at that point. Life is taking steps. Thanks for the thorough and entertaining candor, and I’ll think of you Thursday when I’m cowering in the closet…
– Sully
Mur, it’s not a silly topic, and I wish you luck.
Writing and fear go together. For some of us, it’s more of a problem than it is for others. The fear of rejection – the fear of failure – the fear that we’re not any damned good — the fear that our best work lies already behind us — all these and more are part of the writers’ curse as well as blessing, for without them, we might be less motivated and driven to embody our visions in words.
Right now, I’m battling a fear of my own. One of my novels cost me two jobs. Do I dare to write a blog on it?
Stay tuned.
I think you should, John. If the title is prophetic, it is time for you to laugh, right?
Mur, youa re among the more fearless writers I’ve encountered, though the passion often seems to drive you to worry (or distraction). Looking forward to hearing how the Thursday experiment goes…
David
Good luck!
maybe i’ll join you . . .
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I know I can relate to a lot of what you’ve outlined in your post. I think what you have planned for the tenth is a great idea. Practice it enough and it just might get to be a habit.
And only three days after “a day that will live in infamy”, a phrase made famous by a man who also said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
Mur, I read this a few hours back, before Dave fixed the Comments Blocked glitch. Thought you saw me coming and flicked a switch, ha ha. I think we’ll all agree that there is a certain amount of fear, certainly trepidation, in what we try and/or do in our writing, podcasting, being moderator on a panel, etc. You’re not alone. We should all give incentives to you re: you end of the bargain on the 10th. For example, you don’t follow through, I arm-wrestle a clown. In space.
I kid. You have your reasons for choosing a date. Myself, I just jump in, not knowing the current or the water temperature. Better let us know, Mur.
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Definitely not a silly topic. Who was it who said ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’?
I’m about to embark on my first podcasting adventure and it was recommended I check out yours first. Okay, now I’m petrified…
I have those fears, all except the recording fears since I’m not a podcaster. My first novel is undergoing a thorough rewrite, but I’m pleased with the characters and the story. I fear that I won’t be able to match it. Now I’m on my third attempt at a second novel. Yike. I also worry about offending people I care about.
Thursday it is. I’m in. Fear in general has been too big a factor in my life.
I think this has to be some of the best advice anyone can get for any endeavor. Period. If you feel afraid to do something (within reason), go ahead and DO it.
Thanks for this. It helped me get a massive and daunting block of recording done today.
(And on a side note, I once performed a monologue as a neanderthal giving a speech in front of other neanderthals, so I am fully in support of the idea of a prehistoric Toastmasters club should evidence of one be discovered!)