Yes, I’m serious. I need your help. Let me tell you why.
It happens to most writers sooner or later. They hit a snag, run headfirst into a problem they don’t know how to solve or are even sure is a problem. In my case, it’s a chapter in my novel that those in my writers’ group say doesn’t work. I have two basic choices: Eliminate the chapter (it’s short), or try to fix it. But . . . can it be fixed?
As writers, don’t we all find ourselves excessively enamored of something we’ve written? Maybe it’s a succulent paragraph or page of description that would be better off jettisoned. Or it’s the first fifty pages of a novel that slows it down. In my case, it’s this chapter, which is only about ten pages long.
Let me (finally) tell you about it.
Turtan, the hero of Inspector of the Cross, is captured by the alien enemy at their headquarters, a colossal station in space. As he’s taken under heavy guard to their Emperor (accompanied by a human female who loves but betrayed him), he decides to escape. Better to die fighting, he feels, and perhaps take some of the enemy with him, then meekly submit and do nothing. After all, he’s a warrior, right? Escorted by the guards, Turtan uses his special training to feign sickness. Blood gushes from his nose and he staggers about. The Bad Guys are surprised by this unexpected development, and Turtan seizes the moment by throwing a pilot aside and climbing into an alien jet. He’s such a bright guy that he discovers how to lift off within seconds. In the air, he learns quickly and overcomes his unfamiliarity with the craft (much like Will Smith in Independence Day). Because he’s so darn good, Turtan manages to blast pursuing aircraft like they’re ducks in a shooting gallery. Ultimately he kills seventeen of the enemy, destroys nine aircraft, and after he himself crashes, is recaptured by the enemy.
I thought this made a darn good action chapter, especially since it showed the hero’s toughness, resourcefulness, and added to his mythic stature. However, there are at least two major problems (and some minor ones):
- Turtan’s seizing the alien aircraft and taking wing is just too damned easy. We’re talking a gargantuan logic hole here, one that strains credibility to the breaking point. Surely, the enemy can’t be that dumb and incompetent. If so, the war in the novel between the two empires would never have lasted over 3,000 years. It would have been over in 3 years.
2. Turtan’s shooting the Bad Guys down doesn’t make much sense either. After all, they are in a giant space station, and any artillery fire would run the risk of breaching the surface of the station and exposing it to the vacuum of space. A gigantic explosion could result, crippling the facility. Why, for that matter, would the enemy keep aircraft with such dangerous firepower neatly lined up in the first place?
Okay, here’s the deal. Those who propose the best three solutions to either or both of these two problems will get a free e-book of their choice. Just visit my website at www.johnrosenman.com. The e-book can be a short story, a novelette, or a novel. Just give me your e-mail address, and it’ll be on its way.
Please note: Your solutions ultimately may not be practical, or simply will not work for one reason or another. That’s okay. The most ingenious, witty, inspired, and off-the-cosmic-wall suggestions are eligible, too, as long as they have some seriousness and desire to help behind them and don’t suggest that I simply eliminate the chapter (which I may still do). You see, I want to cast as wide a net as possible so nothing slips through.
You never know, readers and fellow scribblers. Even a nutcase idea may be the key.
The third problem is that apparently it doesn’t move the plot along at all. It’s fun, and it shows off the character, but it sounds like at the end of it he’s back exactly where he started except with a few more experience points.
(This is a problem I’m particularly sensitive to because I could explore the awesomeness of my characters forever and not have the plot even start. It may not be so great a problem for other authors, including you perhaps. But it’s what I’m used to thinking about.)
Solving #1 and #2 is easy: just have the enemies recapture him at some more plausible moment. This means it’s not so exciting, but then we can deal with that and with #3 in one fell swoop by having him struggle to and succeed in achieving *something*, in the face of overwhelming odds, which will materially help him in later chapters. What that is will depend on what happens in those later chapters, but I can think of three broad possibilities:
1) he gains some object which he doesn’t have time to explore in the heat of the escape attempt but which proves useful later (eg a key or something that turns out to be a weapon. This is probably the weakest of the three because the enemy should search him again when they recapture him, and it smacks of convenient plot token-ness anyway);
2) he damages some key enemy or some key component; the enemy may not realise it now, but it fails at some crucial moment and enables his later success;
3) he learns some key knowledge about the enemy or machinery (again preferably without them realising it now) that he can use against them later.
<thinks> Or, if it’s early enough in the book, you might want to reverse these, ie he loses something that he’d managed to conceal until then; or he damages himself (breaks an ankle?); or he gives away to them some key insight into himself — so that his position is now materially worse off than it was before.
Let me sleep on this, John. This spring fwd thing has me all screwed up.
If it’s more difficult for him to actually get ahold of the ship, he can be injured in the process…and still manage the temporary escape.
Why not make the weapons issue integral to the following battle, they can’t use them without risking the station: so it becomes a scene of aerial maneuvers and tactics. He’s still learning the controls (rather rapidly) but he eludes them and maybe learns something that will come into play later on in the process. (a weakness in the enemies defense or ship design) Then, just as he is about to leave them behind and get out of range and into freedom, the bloodloss from the wound causes him to pass out.
Your enemy can retrieve him at will and he can wake up back in custody.
good luck!
Frances
Flying an unfamiliar craft is a stretch, though within the realm of plausibility if handled right.
Expertly flying an unfamiliar craft and using its weapons better than those with training and familiarity… Nope, I don’t buy it; I don’t care how much of a Mary Sue the protagonist may be.
As mentioned, because Turtan ends up back where he started from, the scenario is – by definition – disposable. His attempt at escape needs to make things worse for him. He might, say, make it to the jet only to misunderstand a control and slam the cockpit shell on his hand, breaking it – or the bad guys catch up to him while he’s trying to figure out the controls and then beat him for his insolence, making him less physically capable than before.
You seem to be already aware of some of the failings in what you’ve presented, but I have to say, this sounds like a pretty hokey story, filled with stereotypes and plot clichés:
valiant, capable warrior – check
evil empire – check
massive space station – check
beautiful (I assume) companion who betrays the hero – check
Another suggestion: Learn when to use “then” and “than”.
I agree that if nothing is gained or lost by Turtan’s escape attempt the chapter doesn’t move the story along. Without knowing much about the story I have no suggestion as to what that something could be, but I think that will come to you.
In terms of the action, maybe instead of stealing the aircraft the guards follow him in and Turtan is forced to go hand to hand. That solves both problems and is way more bad ass than shooting the enemy from afar. In the end of course the enemy will overpower Turtan, but by then he’ll have discovered that game changing “something”
Another way to tackle it would be that Turtan knows what he’s after and is just pretending to escape in order to get it.
Or his failed escape attempt does something to break his spirit, digging a bigger hole for the hero to climb out of in the final act.
Even if none of these ideas work for the novel I hope it helps gets the creative juices flowing.
If you’re using the chapter to break Turtan down then what about an alien collaborator to help him out? Kill off the collaborator at capture or torture him/ her and weave him/ her in later. An inside sympathizer with working knowledge of the craft and its weapons could be made somewhat believable.
Or maybe take the pilot hostage and have him/ her do the flying and shooting. Or his/ her reluctance to do the shooting can teach Turtan how.
If the chapter is just for action’s sake… it has got to go.
How about…the reason Turtan has to use a flying craft is to get past the dampening field surrounding the space station so that he can get a message to some kind of headquarters or a friend.
The flying craft can be trainers and the “explosions” more like a big version of a paintball battle…so the “damage” to the station and aliens is virtual or, at the worst, minor.
And what’s more – in another chapter – the aliens either intercepted the message or maybe it was disinformation they wanted him to send which is why he ‘got away’ with pulling that particular stunt in the first place. (Because personally, if I’m going to have some bad guys, they tend to follow the “Troublesome prisoner = dead prisoner” policy. Or maybe he becomes the entree…)
Otherwise, I’m sorry, but just because it’s a nice action chapter, doesn’t mean it belongs in the story. Like every other chapter, it has to earn its place.
Blood gushes from Turtan’s nose – the guards are stunned, and he makes his escape. The guards give chase. He sees the ship, and leaps onboard. Alien fingers clap around his ankle, and he crashes down to ground, making his nose bleed in ernest.
The two struggle on the ground, Turtan and the alien throw each other about. The alien pulls out a mystic torture stick, an evil twist to his lips. Other alien guards run to watch, and the fighting alien slams the door shut, not wanting to share his amusement.
The two fight, and Turtan gets the upper hand. He roguishly trounces the alien, steals his torture stick, and forces the alien to fly the ship.
Other ships come in to attack, using Electro-Magnetic Pulse Cannons, trying to render Turtan’s stolen ship impotent. Turtan vows that if the ship is immobilised, he’ll kill his alien captive immediately, and in fear the alien fires on his comrades, immobilising (but not rupturing or otherwise damaging) their ships.
In the alien’s own version of a ‘bloody nose ploy’, he crashes the aircraft prefering to face dangers unknown than Turtan and the torture stick.
Zeborah, Wayne, Frances, Wolf, Andrew, Trish, and Shell, thanks so much for your comments. I will print them out and consider them at length. At first read, the comments that the chapter doesn’t really advance the plot and leaves the hero essentially where he was before (thought they put him under much heavier guard) rings true.
At this point, I plan to delete the chapter. Perhaps it’s too much over the top and too implausible anyway.
Thanks again.
Thanks, Jarrod. Very interesting. You suggest an approach that no one else mentioned. Well, actually, just about everyone suggested something new and fresh.
Again, thanks, folks. I’ve read all these comments and will incubate them. Hopefully, as Andrew suggests, that will get “the creative juices flowing.” However, at this point, I’m still planning to remove the chapter. Clearly, in addition to being more plausible, Turtan has to get or accomplish something to make the chapter worthwhile.