Thomas Sullivan: OF SILVER SOULS AND CAROUSELS
Like some infamous interrogation room, the designation “Q&A” is starting to take on the ring of doom for me. I know I’ve been weaseling away from my prior commitment to use that format, but please do not doubt that I am exceedingly grateful for your questions and your interest. No one could have more sensitive or astute readers than I have – love you all – and I take it as some kind of affirmation that I must be dealing with meaningful issues whenever I read your penetrating questions. November’s column in particular brought in several dozen questions, most of them emotionally daunting for me, and something over half asking for details about what I meant by, “…almost found that single star to steer my ship.” Jeani of Ventura, CA, may have expressed the gist of responses best:
“…You are wrong to think that ‘[no] one could relate to the rather emotionally spartan specifics of my life anyway.’ I’m sure others would be just as intrigued as I to hear tales of little Tommy Sullivan! You did not hatch, shaved head and all, in the middle of Elm Creek on skis. Actually, I might believe that, if I did not possess a little knowledge of you prior to that version.”
Well, as I commented back in November, I asked for it, didn’t I? Thought I was going to be very candid and cleverly manage this, but now I’m thinking this is an onion, and I need to go one layer at a time. Hmmm. Not even convincing myself yet. Sorta like saying I’ll tell the truth any day except the ones that end in “y.” Okay, lemme ease in with a couple of softball questions first…
Q [Chicago, IL]: How cold do you like the MN whether before you shake your fist at it? Bonus question: do you write with more clarity during the cold weather?
A: By the time it’s that cold, my fist is embalmed in double-insert gloves with heat packs. And only a writer who has penned by candlelight in a cold garret could ask your bonus question. Your inference is true, methinks, cold does seem to sharpen perceptions, as if each thought has the crystal clarity of an icicle. But clarity of thought isn’t necessarily compelling in scenes that need emotion. E.g. they say Hitler’s optimum working temp was 62°F when he wrote Mein Kampf – so maybe cold isn’t conducive to writing warm, fuzzy stuff. Ever try writing in snow (no, not the way you’re thinking)? “S’s” done with a ski pole look like backward “Z’s.” In fact, any letters with curves done with a ski pole suck – I mean zuck. Lots of luck writing SOS.
Q [from Bonny, USA – judging from the question]: Do you ever watch American Idol? I love Stephen Tyler. His humor reminds me a bit of yours! When a person sang especially well the other night on Idol, he said Oh, I just had an eargasm ! I thought, that is something Sully would dream up!
A: Used to think I knew who I was, Bonny, but I get enough “you-remind-me-of’s” so that I now have an identity crisis and talk to myself in 7 languages. I’m flattered at your choice though, as I’ve been compared with Boris Karloff, Dracula, Hugh Laurie, the kid who played Harry Potter’s enemy at Hogwarts, and others I care not to remember. Only comparison I ever liked was Christopher Walken, and the only way I can see that is that Walken reminds me of my father. Can’t say I actually sit down to watch American Idol, though I often have TVs on all over the house while I’m doing other stuff, so I’ve seen/heard Steven Tyler – and like him (and Aerosmith) – thank you very much.
Q [Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa]: Is any of your work in talking books?
A: SOON! One of the very top audio readers in the world – Bob Walter – is doing THE MARTYRING as I write this. Details forthcoming in an upcoming Sullygram. BORN BURNING will follow thereafter, with four other novels on deck.
Q [mucho locales]: OK, gonna try to bundle the mega-faceted questions alluded to at the start of this column into a one-shot answer. And I’ll use these two questions to summarize the batch: [Englewood, FL] “…I am most interested in more details about that ‘almost found that single star to steer my (your) ship’ you described ?” and [Hampstead, MD] “…you speak in mysteries and wonderments that leave me wondering now what did he mean and what happened that he and changed his mind and wonder wonder wonder. What single star did you find to steer your ship? Or what happened to cause you to say when irony has the upper hand the less likely you will be to find a true companion for the journey.”
A: When it comes to love, I’ve gone to waste all my life. At least that’s what I thought. The waste was sorta voluntary, because I never expected to meet my fantasy soulmate (ha ha ha ha). Srsly. It was even more unlikely because I never went looking. Formally. Ms. Soulmate would have to turn up in my environment somehow. The thing of it is, when you rule out flesh and blood fulfillment of your dreams, it becomes safe to think free and live true to the highest romantic ideals of your heart, mind and soul. You can fantasize a relationship that is virtual romantic perfection. Which is what I did. Only I should have known better than to tempt the gods of irony. Because that’s when they dropped the biggest improbability of all into my improbable life. Blindsided doesn’t cover it. She wasn’t anywhere where it should’ve happened, and we were impossible, and I wasn’t going to do anything about it anyway. But she walked into my blueprint for romantic perfection as if she had a script and had been practicing all her life for the role. Not just fantasy perfection for all the senses – anyone’s senses – but of the heart, mind, soul in a rare way that made us a matched set…and I might have resisted even that, except that her values were totally contrary to what her looks and charms could’ve gotten her. She was as counterintuitive as I am. She defied all the rules of procedure, which was my final gatekeeper. No games. No gender dynamics. She had the courage and the depth of love to tell me and make it happen. How could I not love her for that alone? Not that it was rushed. She had known for years she told me, and yet she waited patiently while our minds met before our souls touched before our hearts melted before our bodies merged. And all of this was like lightning igniting words and deeds out of every part of me I’d held back in life just so that I could give it to one transcendent person – to her. I was like a little boy opening his hot little hand for the first time to offer up a shiny treasure he has hoarded because it is the essence of what he feels to the core. And she took it. Trembling. We were both trembling. Thereafter, inspiration, motivation and imagination went into overdrive far beyond the sweet sting of passion between us. … Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s an old story. But it’s not like I don’t know the drill of successfully evading heart/mind/soul commitment. Given the improbabilities of my life, I use the word “unique” advisedly. This was unique. And tangled. Hollywood pales. And the gods of irony are still having their fun in a most unbelievable way. Like I said previously, it only takes one star to steer a ship, if it’s the right star. But even our galaxies collided – one of the first gifts she gave me was a picture of colliding galaxies along with the CD of Howie Day’s “You and I Collide” – only, like most galaxies, hers had a black hole in the center that gobbles up stars. … So that was probably the last chance for me to be domesticated. Somewhere along the line the balance tips between avoiding loneliness and preserving romantic ideals. The perfect equilibrium between being tamed and my unconventional life is likely gone. Still, never say never. Because if you do, those same gods of irony will take that as a challenge. So, place your bets, kind readers – all you who have penetrated my abstractions from golden fields to white feathers – before we spin the wheel that spins the galaxy and sends the silver ball — silver soul — soaring round its cosmic carousel. Yes? No? Permit me the arrogance to weigh in with an opinion, though I’ve never won a single dream. It will be neither Yes nor No. Place all your chips on the one sure bet. That whatever happens to me next will be…unique.
Your thoughts are welcome, your attention valued. I’m truly grateful for your interest and feedback. And for those who have asked, my latest release is a low-priced e-book edition of my World Fantasy finalist for Best Novel available here: http://www.amazon.com/The-Martyring-ebook/dp/B0069CIFL4/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1321818520&sr=1-1
Thomas “Sully” Sullivan
http://www.thomassullivanauthor.com
